Happy Birthday PPP. I love you and always will. You will always be in my heart and have no control over that. I pray that where ever you are and what ever is going on in your life that you, your son, and baby's daddy are healthy and safe. Hugs to the three of you.  

2019

HB PPP. I love you...

A very Happy Birthday to Matthew Jr. I  hope you have a wonderful Birthday. Wish we had the relationship so that me and the family that you were robbed of could help you celebrate. A truly unconditional Birthday wish for you is the best gift of all. I am confident now that you have a son, you will begin to understand true unconditional love for your child.

Again, Happy Birthday.

Another great loss......

The last of her generation (on both sides) is gone. I am grateful to have had this wonderful woman in my life. Granny passed on and will she be fondly remembered by all that knew her. She was warm and accepting of everyone that came in contact with her. Sad to say, Matthew Jr., only met Granny as a toddler and never had the chance to know Granny. On the other hand, Brooke had several encounters with Granny and knows her as (family) Granny. One of my favorite memories spent with Granny and Brooke was one Christmas holiday when I wanted to take a picture of Brooke with Granny and Brooke did her usual (not smiling for the camera thing) and Granny turned to her and said "--- ---" and Brooke burst with laughter and smiled as she tried to turn away from the camera trying to avoid the appearance of joy. Granny had the touch with even the hardest and stubborn of hearts.
Granny made everyone she encountered feel as if they were special. She loved us all unconditionally. Though she never really knew Matthew Jr, he was her great grandson and she loved him too.

I am so sorry (for whatever reason) that Matthew Jr. and Brooke were robbed of having a relationship with their Great Granny and Grandpa. Now they are gone and nothing can be done about it. My heart is broken for them because of the relationships they have missed out on and will loose out on in the future. They didn't deserve the alienation tactics they endured and still don't. It makes me angry and I hurt for them. It is a pain that will never go away.

The children would have loved their Granny too if they had been allowed to.

The rest of my life...

For the rest of my life, from time to time, I will have moments of flashbacks. A few days ago I was watching TV, which I rarely do. TV causes the brain to gel in my opinion and we can all do without it.
The program was about a mother that had taken her daughter to another country when the daughter was about the same age as my Brooke was when her mother and I separated. When the daughter in this program turned 20 years of age, her father as she grew up with, passed away and the daughter learned that she had a biological father that she didn't know living in the US. The daughter's father continued looking for his daughter for many years to no avail. He never gave up his hope for finding his daughter nor did he ever stop loving her. The bio father knew she was somewhere but where. The daughter was torn and stood beside her mother even when she was extradited back to the US and later convicted for child abduction.

The daughter never knew her bio father. Thanks mom!

While this daughter grew up in a good home and given every possible opportunity for success, the daughter was lied to and robbed of so much. Thanks mom!

The daughter spoke with her bio father only once, for now. The daughter returned to the country that she grew up in to continue her life as she had grown to know.

Mom, after being released from jail, being on probation for some time after, was required to live in the US and continue to live the life she had lived before the abduction.

Mom in the US without her daughter, and bio father having only met his adult daughter once, living without her, still longing for that bond with his daughter  is still lost with a big hole in his life.

For the rest of his life, he will feel the loss as I can imagine that I will.

We love our children till the day we pass on to our after life.

Just sayin!

Symptoms of Parental Alienation

Copyright 1997 by Douglas Darnall, Ph.D.

To prevent the devastating effects of Parental Alienation, you must begin by recognizing the symptoms of PA. You will notice that many of the symptoms or behaviors focus on the parent. When the child exhibits hatred and vilifies the targeted parent, then the condition becomes parental alienation syndrome. After reading the list, don't get discouraged when you notice that some of your own behaviors have been alienating. This is normal in even the best of parents. Instead, let the list help sensitize you to how you are behaving and what you are saying to your children.

1. Giving children choices when they have no choice about visits. Allowing the child to decide for themselves to visit when the court order says there is no choice sets up the child for conflict. The child will usually blame the non-residential parent for not being able to decide to choose whether or not to visit. The parent is now victimized regardless of what happens; not being able to see his children or if he sees them, the children are angry. 

2. Telling the child "everything" about the marital relationship or reasons for the divorce is alienating. The parent usually argues that they are "just wanting to be honest" with their children. This practice is destructive and painful for the child. The alienating parent's motive is for the child to think less of the other parent.

3. Refusing to acknowledge that children have property and may want to transport their possessions between residences.

4. Resisting or refusing to cooperate by not allowing the other parent access to school or medical records and schedules of extracurricular activities.

5. A parent blaming the other parent for financial problems, breaking up the family, changes in lifestyle, or having a girlfriend/boyfriend, etc.

6. Refusing to be flexible with the visitation schedule in order to respond to the child's needs. The alienating parent may also schedule the children in so many activities that the other parent is never given the time to visit. Of course, when the targeted parent protests, they are described as not caring and selfish.

7. Assuming that if a parent had been physically abusive with the other parent, it follows that the parent will assault the child. This assumption is not always true.

8. Asking the child to choose one parent over another parent causes the child considerable distress. Typically, they do not want to reject a parent, but instead want to avoid the issue. The child, not the parent, should initiate any suggestion for change of residence.

9. Children will become angry with a parent. This is normal, particularly if the parent disciplines or has to say "no". If for any reason the anger is not allowed to heal, you can suspect parental alienation. Trust your own experience as a parent. Children will forgive and want to be forgiven if given a chance. Be very suspicious when the child calmly says they cannot remember any happy times with you or say anything they like about you.

10. Be suspicious when a parent or stepparent raises the question about changing the child's name or suggests an adoption.

11. When children cannot give reasons for being angry towards a parent or their reasons are very vague without any details.

12. A parent having secrets, special signals, a private rendezvous, or words with special meanings are very destructive and reinforce an on-going alienation.

13. When a parent uses a child to spy or covertly gather information for the parent's own use, the child receives a damaging message that demeans the victimized parent.

14. Parents setting up temptations that interfere with the child's visitation.

15. A parent suggesting or reacting with hurt or sadness to their child having a good time with the other parent will cause the child to withdraw and not communicate. They will frequently feel guilty or conflicted not knowing that it's "okay" to have fun with their other parent.

16. The parent asking the child about his/her other parent's personal life causes the child considerable tension and conflict. Children who are not alienated want to be loyal to both parents.

17. When parents physically or psychologically rescue the children when there is no threat to their safety. This practice reinforces in the child's mind the illusion of threat or danger, thereby reinforcing alienation.

18. Making demands on the other parent that is contrary to court orders.

19. Listening in on the children's phone conversation they are having with the other parent.

20. One way to cause your own alienation is making a habit of breaking promises to your children. In time, your ex-spouse will get tired of having to make excuses for you.

The Day After...

Merry Christmas to everyone. We look forward to Christmas Day and the newness that it brings. It is a Christmas to remember. New surroundings. Old traditions shared with new family and friends. New memories. I at least look forward to the day after just as much if not more than my wife. The day after is such a relaxing day. We don't have to go anywhere to return presents. We aren't in the rat race. Thank God for that.
I wish Matthew and Brooke all that Christmas is and supposed to be.

Happy 18th Birthday...

So it has been almost a year since I've posted mostly due to my daughter coming upon this blog. By that I am saying that it took some of the umph out of posting. I was losing why I started the blog in the first place.  I needed a break as I felt that the postings were becoming more about why the time we lost together and about the time we were going to miss out on, the way it is. Happy Birthday.

This blog was leaning more towards feelings of what happened rather than how to help fight the ghastly effects of PAS.

 I pondered on what spiritual, encouraging, or earth moving words to use to wish my daughter "Happy 18th Birthday" so that she may truly know how I feel about her and wishing her the best for today and always. Happy Birthday.

Once again I find myself perplexed and so must resign (once again) to the notion that I cannot control others and what is in their mind and hearts. Too much time has passed without her in my life or me in hers. Happy Birthday.

I realize that today I will spend much of the day (as I do many days) praying for her wellness both physically and emotionally. I agonize over what has been, what is, and what will or will not be. Happy Birthday.

I owe my daughter everything, yet I owe her nothing. I am half responsible for giving contribution in making this day possible. Happy Birthday.

I hope that my daughter will always remember those moments that connected us so that she in turn will know why I wholeheartedly miss and love her. Happy Birthday

Today is about you, my daughter. Today is your day just as everyday is your day. I hope you have a great day today and everyday brings you closer to your dreams. Happy Birthday

While I try to hold back the tears from the pain that comes from having you as a daughter, the tears flow freely from knowing that today is joyous by just knowing you are my daughter. Happy Birthday

Today is lost but not forgotten.

I love you and Happy 18th Birthday Pee Pee Pie

Happy New Year!

This New Year starts very soon. This New Year promises to bring New Challenges, New Conquers, New Endeavors, New Friends, New Family, New Heartaches, New Joys, and sometimes New Pains, and uncomfortableness. We will embrace every day and every moment as if it were our last as that is the only way to live a full and meaningful existence.
We will also attempt to touch each and every positive persons lives that we encounter with a joyful remembrance when we part.
We wish our loved ones prosperity and peace throughout this New Year and coming years.

Christmas time again...

Wow, as another year draws closer to the end, I am reminded of the days of past. While some can be very painful, others are joyful. Merry Christmas!

"You have to get off my presents now, CAT!

Granny getting ready to say something funny to get a smile from Brooke.

She said it so Brooke turned away from the camera because she couldn't believe Granny said what she did and couldn't help but laugh!!!

"No, you can't have my purse"!

Favorites!

An illusion!

Not really opening presents here!

 Hmmmmm!

I wish a very Merry Christmas to my daughter Brooke and always a Happy New Year this and every year. May the angels follow her always and fill her heart with peace.                                    

Another Adventure on the Horizon...

We feel another adventure is on the horizon.

 Sadly there are people that never get the opportunity to experience such awesomeness as this!

Sadly there are people out there that never take the opportunity to experience such awesomeness as this. What a country we live in and it is available for us to enjoy!

We made the decision several years ago to give birth to new traditions. I always said that if something got in the way of my spending time with and having contact with my daughter that I would set goals and follow a different path in life. As no one knows how much time we have in this life, it became clear to me that I had to follow a different path than I was on back in Winston Salem. I would have continued to suffocate and slowly die from...

While it is a different life that we live today, it has been a happier, more fulfilling life. We have set the goal of spending each and every holiday in a different part of the country, if not the world with and without other people. We experience different celebrations and traditions. One celebration and tradition that remains to be constant is that we (my better half) and I share these things together.

During most visitation with Brooke, we would travel outside of Winston-Salem. I so wanted to instill with her the wonders that were available to us to enjoy. Another truth be told, an equally important reason to get away from WS was to get away from Brooke's mom. Brooke's mom would often be suspiciously near when Brooke was with me (us).  Parental interference was her goal and she was and still is a master at it. Without doubt Brooke knows that there is a world other than the one her mother created for her. She can escape the life that was handed to her just as I escaped the life I thrust myself into when I met her mother.

I chose to live without drama created by others so that I may live well.

Happy Birthday!

I wish my daughter (Brooke) a very Happy 17th Birthday and hope and pray for all good things for her.
It is our greatest wish that she is well and happy. We miss her and always think about her and wish we were a part of her life. As with all of her birthdays, I always had Brooke a party and a cake that I made myself. We always celebrated her birthday after the fact until I wised up and celebrated the first opportunity we were together prior to her birthday. We would often try to recreate or create special occasions so that Brooke would have the best of both worlds. Children deserve both worlds. I never knew when I would see her again. Some sort of allegation from her mother just before the holidays would come up and I would be forced back to court to defend myself and retain so called court ordered visitation.  I can't help but wonder what uses the money spent on legal stuff could have been used for?!

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This was the last party we had for Brooke with her friends at Pizza Hut.

The same party she didn't have, the party that Brooke adamantly denied having.

Here is your cake!

Thanksgiving...

This is a day to reflect what we have to be thankful for. While I have much to be thankful for, I can not help but to also reflect on the damage inflicted on children and parents of the alienating parent and their soldiers. It is a shame that more isn't done to stop these monsters within the legal system. While there is nothing that can be done to cure the mental health of the alienating parent, the damage inflicted by them can be minimized by minimizing access to the children.
Since our divorce process was initiated in 1999 and the first visitation court order was put into effect, Matthew (my namesake) and I have had no holiday time together. With Brooke, we would have our Thanksgiving festivity the very next opportunity we had together after the holiday had past. Occasionally, I attempted to have Thanksgiving dinner prior to the holiday to ensure that we could have the memories because I never new the next contact I would have with her. Without going through all the documents, I am confident in saying that Brooke spent only one Thanksgiving day with our family.
Memories lost and relationships lost. That is an alienating parents motive. To destroy any and all relationships outside of their inner circle. This retains control of their children's outside influences and prevents them from engaging in healthier relationships. The only relationships the children have are dictated by the alienating parent. I believe that this way of life emotionally cripples the child.

Matthew Jr. doesn't and most likely will never know his extended family. Brooke on the other hand has knowledge of her extended family and remembers some of them as I was able to remain in her life long enough to nurture some sort of relationship, a sense of belonging.

The pictures below will bring back memories for her as they do for me. I am thankful for having this time with her and the others in the pictures.
While her Great Grandparents Jack (now deceased) and Joann (her mothers alienated family), and Grandpa (my dad), only saw Brooke when I made it happen, she enjoyed them as as much as they enjoyed her with what little time we all had. The picture with her Grandpa Graham was the last time that I know of that Brooke spent time with him at our after Thanksgiving dinner. 

Great Grandparents Jack and Joann, and Brooke of course.

Step Grandma, Step Mom,  Grandpa. and of course Brooke, again!

Sadly, it was reported to me through attorney's, a judge, GAL's that Brooke reported to them that I wouldn't allow her to prepare her plates and that I insisted in doing so at meal time. Brooke also reported that she believed me to be putting something in her food which caused her drowsiness after eating.
What a shame! Ultimately this notion came about to ruin any good times spent with me or our family. The alienation took on a life of it's own! Sick, just sick I tell you.

This Thanksgiving was spent quietly and comfortably. No drama and no allegations to combat. While I miss spending time with my daughter, I am Thankful that I had time with her and others that were a part of her life.

Halloween...

Halloween is here again and what a long and wonderful year it has been.

It is amazing to me that the retailers have already put out Christmas decorations. What happened to enjoying Halloween first and what about the other holidays? It seems that the other holidays  are cheapened by Christmas advertising. Lets give the big box retailers that all mighty buck. I think not!

I remember the days of carving pumpkins, trick or treating, and getting the ba-jesus scared out of me. Most of those memories were not during a time that I lived with my mother. I remember our mom smacking the crap out of us boys for sneaking and eating a piece of candy without her permission. We would sort out the candy on the table and put it a large bag and she would put it on top of the refrigerator in full view. When she wanted some candy, she made it obvious that she was getting something from that candy bag or she would have us get it for her. She would sit on the couch drinking her favorite soda (Pepsi) and eat her candy. When we requested some of (our) candy, the replies seemed to always relate to our future behaviors. The problem was that there seemed always to be reasons for unacceptable behaviors and therefore, no candy. Maybe that has had some effect on why I don't eat much candy now.

I also remember the children's mother driving us all over Winston Salem, to the "wealthier neighborhoods" because she would say that the children would get more candy, more expensive candy, and even money sometimes. I often wonder what lessons that would teach the children. Greed comes to mind... These pictures were of the first Halloween (during initial separation from their mother) that I was able to actually share Halloween festivities with the children without interferences from their mother EVEN THOUGH IT WAS SUPERVISED AT THEIR MOTHERS MOMS HOUSE. Spending quality time with the children without her involvement had its dramatic fallout!

I always told the kids that it was okay to get dirty and messy. Of course that's what kids do. "It can always be cleaned up" I would say. This was no different with digging out the inside of a pumpkin. If you can imagine two young children tearing into a pumpkin with their dad saying "its okay to make a mess, just use your hands"! I would think that most normal peoples reaction would be "and guess what happened next"?   Well the story from my attorney that came from the mothers attorney was that I was purposely making a big mess, refusing to clean up, and even throwing the pumpkins innards on the children. Supposedly the children were afraid of my actions and didn't want to visit with me again.

We really had a great time though it was short lived. This was the last Halloween that I enjoyed with Matthew. As for Brooke, it would not be the last but I had not had time with her until years later due to the mothers manipulations and confusions that she bestowed upon the courts. It was vicious to say the least but I didn't stop trying.

The next Halloween with Brooke would come around the age of ten.

 So it is still okay to get messy and dirty!

 I think she was actually enjoying it!

 Dig in kid and get it all out!

 Finished product!
Good job!

 Doesn't look terribly unhappy...yet!

Oops, there it is! The classic look when asked to take a picture!

So the next Halloween we were able to spend time together was about when she was 12 years old. Again, the vicious wrath from her mom struck again and after continuous attempts in the courts to make this time happen, it became reality. My better half (wife) is from Asian descent and Brooke wanted to commemorate that fact and dress up as a Caucasian geisha. She was more interested in trick or treating with our neighbors children and understandably so.

 

This was the last Halloween that I (we) had the opportunity to spend with my daughter and she became upset with me for not letting her trick or treat alone, without adult supervision.

Kid of Parental Alienation Syndrome

Good to be back...

Good to be back with my better half. Whew, what a long week! I am blessed to have such a loving wife!
It took the loss of  two marriages and a lot of life's crap to get to where I am now, where I am happy to be. There is something to be said for failures. I failed in many areas of my life. I have to ask if I really failed or is it just perceived failures, just stepping stones to the successes that I live today. My perception of success is quite different than it used to be. I only wish I had had the wisdom 20-30 years ago that I have today. I suppose that that's why its called WISDOM.
Without having had two parents to nurture and guide me, I could not have had the WISDOM to make the best of decisions.

So many thoughts running through my head. I take time to put them out there on this blog and then let them go. As my last post indicates, "suffering is optional".

Time to enjoy my successes by culling the garden!

Onward

Another adventure completed...

So this week comes to a close. It was necessary for me to embark on an adventure alone and without my better half. While we knew there would be some anxiety, we made out just fine. The heart does grow fonder with absence.

I am often reminded of the absence of my child(ren). Recently my child(ren's) aunt passed away and I can imagine and know the heartache that that daughters mother felt and continues to struggle with. Someone once told me that life is never the same after loosing a child. That goes for fathers as well as mothers. No one truly knows pain until they have lost a child. I do not wish it upon any parent regardless.

Those that encouraged PAS and continue to do so should never forget that there is a higher power even greater than themselves and that KARMA never forgets and may not be so forgiving. While I pray for the family and for some sort of peace for them I can't help but to be reminded of the alienation that they forced upon my child(ren). I can't help but to be reminded of the loss of my own and more importantly the children's loss. I am dead to them as they are to me. I have learned to accept those losses yet there is and always will be a great deal of inner pain.

I find comfort in knowing that I did my best to be a part of the children's lives and to play an active roll. I did my best to show them what integrity and honor was. I did the best to show them that they had two parents that loved and wanted them. I tried to hang on long enough for them to understand that they had minds of their own and could choose to have minds of their own. They had rights and had choices. I continue to assert that their mother and others that encouraged the alienation hated me more than they loved them.

I wish there was a pill to forget and maybe someday there will be but for now I will endure.

Tomorrow will start a new adventure and I can't wait!

It has been a good day.

Off for an adventurous day trip...

I am not sure where my adventurous lifestyle grew from? I would guess that my desire for adventures and exploring came from the many homes that I grew up in through the formative years. I have been to some of the most scenic places on earth and they always seemed to offer and even encourage me to be active. I have been lucky in that I have had and still have the opportunity to explore the adventures that life offers me.

Today we were invited to venture out to one of the local hangouts at the river. The area is very well known to the locals and that always promises to be an adventure worth the effort. With the heat wave throughout the US, we look forward to cooling off a bit. We have been to this hangout once before and it was quite relaxing.
 I'm just under 50 years old and still jumping off cliffs as if I were 20 or 30. Hell yeah!
Seriously though, I really don't jump as many times as they do.

I remember all the times that we took Brooke off to explore the wonders that we could with the time that we had. The very first outing that we took was to Hanging Rock State Park. Brooke was about 4 years old. It took that long to get her mother to comply with a court order long enough to venture out on an adventure. Brooke's mom and I separated when Brooke was around 2 years old. Oh, how she loved her daddy!
We had such a good time at the lake in the park. Brooke swam and played with me and she was so happy! It was almost ruined by Brooke's mother, as a young boy had drowned in the very same lake a year or two earlier and Brooke was prepared to be afraid of going because of that. Brooke was young enough to have a short attention span which was good for us as we had a great adventure together anyway.
Of course the awesomeness was darkened by the cries of fear after Brooke returned to her mother. It was so sad to send Brooke back to her mother and brother only to have her indoctrination continued.

Later in years we were able to adventure off to Sliding Rock, (Pisgah National Forest, NC) (which she pointed out specifically). We had a great time until the camera came out. Brooke was around 10 years old. This picture was taken at Looking Glass Falls in Pisgah. Brooke was 11 years old here. 7/14/2007 "Look mom, aren't you proud of the picture"! I have pictures where she isn't aware of the camera and she appears very different unlike this pose of unhappiness. My mother in-law trying to figure Brooke's pose out...

I had the opportunity to hear my daughter say to me that she remembered and really missed those times. While the opportunity was very short lived, I realized that she did remember. I also realize that Brooke may never be free to have a relationship with me or our side of the family.

I know that I would as would our family, open our arms and heart to her and Matthew without hesitation yet would retreat at signs of drama and craziness. That is the price I choose to pay to have healthy relationships and for continued happiness.

I love that kid.

TOUGH MOMENTS...

The last thing that I should have done today was to read through previous posts on this blog. What painful memories it dredges up. I can't help but to wonder what I could have done differently to be a  better person and father. I keep coming to the same conclusion. When having to deal with someone like the children's mother, there is nothing that I could have done differently to keep my children in my life outside of doing things that were clearly illegal. I wasn't willing to give up my freedom for my children.

Neither of the children live a life that I would have chosen for them. I wanted better for them than I had myself and what was destined for them which is why I fought for their rights to have a father involved in their lives. I fought for my rights as their father. I suppose I ultimately didn't have any rights except to continue to foot the bill. Ironically during one of Danta's rages I responded that I was just a paycheck. Certainly she got that paycheck in more ways than one. Unfortunately her craziness limited her children's overall growth. Now I chuckle at the memory of her craziness, her unstable and abusive mentality. It is only painful when I think of what the children had to endure growing up.

I doubt that much positive will come from deleting me from their lives except that it pleased their mother and she prevailed in her plight to have complete control. Where are the children now.

I look around and see friends of ours that have children their ages and look at where they are in life. I hear their goals and see them working their plans. In church and graduating from high school and college. Some study abroad and take full advantage of their travels abroad. Visiting  multiple countries and experiencing much that it has to offer. Some have joined the armed forces and are doing the same. What a future they have!

They are not in and out of court with charges pending against them for illegal activities. They could not have the life they do if they were using illegal or prescription drugs and breaking the law. They are not children having children. More importantly, they have both parents actively involved in their lives.

On another note, we picked quite a bit of fresh tomatoes, squash, zucchini,and okra from the garden yesterday and today. We are enjoying fresh veggies from our garden and will enjoy some of it for many months. Can't buy this quality in the groceries anymore!

ONWARD
 

Awesome Sunday...

Yesterday was an awesome day. We have so much to be thankful for and we take those things for granted, most of the time.

The garden is growing and we are regularly picking fresh veggies. I always did love a garden. As a young child abandoned, it required placement in a Children's Home in Orangeburg, SC (Brookland Plantation Home For Boys), we were required to work in the gardens to help feed us. I never thought that it would carry on into adulthood. I suppose those early lessons in gardening paid off in more than just filling our bellies.

We had a rotary phone stored in the basement of our home near some vinyl records. During one of our excursions to the basement Brooke asked me what they were. My reply was "you are kidding me right!?" While we no longer used those items, (reason for storage in basement) they had value to us and Brooke made a believer out of me that she had no idea. Oh, how times have changed!

I used to hear as a child that "we didn't have this" and "we didn't have that", "as we were growing up". I am grateful to have had those things and that things have changed. I am so very grateful that I had the lessons such as growing a garden as those lessons are paying off in more ways than one.

I wonder what things Matthew and Brooke will grow with and what valuable lessons they will learn. I wonder what lessons they have learned. I know that vinyl records and rotary phones are a mystery. While I had a garden or two when Matthew was a toddler, I doubt he would remember it and Brooke had not been born. Brooke on the other hand would remember one of our gardens as we maintained one or two during her visits with us.
I can't imagine either of the children have an idea of how to grow a garden. I can't but imagine the lessons that they have learned.

Memories re-visited...

Good morning world.
Today starts out a wonderful day as I sit here with my better half watching the hummingbirds buzz around drinking the nectar from these amazing flowers. While watching the chickens run around showing off their skills in the attempt to rise in pecking order, I am reminded of how simple, enjoyable, and precious life really is.

I am also reminded of how difficult life has been and how grateful I am to have figured out how to remove most drama and negativity from my life. I had to pay a great price during the time that it took figuring it out and an even greater price when I decided to move in a direction to rid myself of all that was impacting that life.
As I sift through documents that will add to previous posts I am reminded of moments spent with my daughter (Brooke). At times I had those aha moments when I felt I had had an impact on her sense of right and wrong. I had hoped through my actions, I instilled in her, higher standards of morality for which she would live by. I had hoped we had had enough time with her to have made a difference.
I  am saddened by the many documents that I fumble through and the memories that they bring. I am heartbroken by the underlying ramifications that surface from the many years of PAS.

Be careful as to the lessons that you teach your child or to other children. They will most likely live by those lessons. A part time on/off again parent doesn't have much opportunity to make much of a moral impact on their children.

I came across vacation and event calendars that my daughter and I constructed together and independently of one another. I believed that by sharing those together, Brooke had ownership during the making of and when the time spent together actually took place. I was right until interference by alienating factors kicked in. During the last, of many court appearances I learned that Brooke took from my home several of those calendars and gave them to her mother. I wondered how our vacation and event plans were often thwarted. Brooke's mother's attorney had possession of them.

My daughter felt it necessary to take items from our home and deliver them to her mother. How many years had this been going on. Long enough for my daughter to believe that stealing and lying was okay, especially when it came to getting what she wanted, and that is the why this would happen. Trust is built over time just as distrust is built in a moment. My daughter never had to try to please me as she pleased me by just being my daughter.
Be careful of what you teach your children, they may live by those lessons.

Pain runs through my veins all the way to my heart when I hear of less than stellar moments that they have in their lives. It does not please me nor do I experience joy in their failures or short comings . I do not have satisfaction in being the one that says "I said this would happen"! "The handwriting was on the wall"! "I told you so"!

I want the best for them, yet I can not give them the best. I want them to succeed, yet I am unable to guide them to success. I was forced to leave my life in order to have a life which I am more and more grateful for and happier with. I pray for my children's prosperity and that they too may find their way to reap the rewards of happiness.

I miss my child(ren) tremendously and thank my higher power for having given me the opportunity to feel those feelings in the first place.

Onward with living life to the fullest,
Matt

Fathers Day...

Someone very special to me told me many years ago that we have proven that it doesn't take the same  blood running through your veins to be true family. How true this is!
I received several calls on fathers day from some very special family. Some are blood related and others were not. Totally unexpected and heart felt. Meant the world to me. Thanks for thinking of me!

I did not expect to hear from Brooke or Matthew so I certainly didn't disappoint myself.  I felt bad for a moment, not for me, as I do not have any expectations from or of them. It is what it is. I felt bad for them and all of the other broken relationships that is caused from the effects of PAS.

Had an awesome day yesterday and spent the day relaxing. Great cookout with friends in the evening! Most of all, my better half and I enjoyed most of the day together alone. We look forward to spending alone time together and enjoy spending time with the new people in our lives. It seems that we are on a new adventure  and we are soaking it up.  The world is so big and there is much to do and learn! Here we go!

We pray that our loved ones are safe in their journey's,

Love to them,
Me

Continuation from last post...

So I purposely left out the "I am innocent of all allegations of any and all abuse towards my children by my children's mother"! That will come in time with the supporting documents. At the moment, I am conflicted as to what I want to do about sharing that information. It is still very painful and probably always will be. It is something I have learned to live with. Allegations of abuse by my children's mother started almost immediately after I refused to give her what she wanted and separation was imminent. That's not what broke the camels back so to speak. After the mother retained another attorney, number 6 or 9, (I lost count)  and the legal ramifications of my daughters allegations of assault against my AWESOME wife, it was time to walk away! I felt I had a bigger responsibility to protect my wife than to remain a part of my child's life.

Ironically had my daughter's mother played the assault card against my daughter's step mother in the beginning, I would have saved lots of time, energy, and money as I would have ended the madness long before I did!

Gotta go for now but will be back,
ME

Comment on Dr. Phil's video last post...

Yes, I know that living the nightmare of PAS is hell and is equated to as living a slow death especially when it was alleged that I physically abused both sexually and mentally my children, by their mother. The idea that their mother was somehow protecting them and loved them was just part of her alienation and a way to gain control. It was then and is still now a mental illness on the part of the mother as her very own psychological tests (MMPI) indicates, not only once, but twice! Further discussion on psychological (MMPI) tests as well as other pertinent documents may be reserved for future posts.

It is unfortunate...for children to be stricken with the effects of mental illness that they have no ability to defend themselves against. We (victims) of PAS struggle with our own pain and of that of our lost child(ren). It becomes more difficult to endure when we realize how short life is. We find comfort in believing in a higher power. There is not any form of JUSTICE that can bring back the time lost or repay what was lost, to the parent (VICTIM) or to the child(ren) (VICTIM(S))! Then it is too late for it to matter much. We only pray for survival long enough to pass on our knowledge in hopes that somehow we can make a difference somewhere. I believe that I have made a difference. Not in my child(ren's) lives but in the lives of other children by making it LOUD and CLEAR to alienating parents that it is not okay the way they are conducting themselves with their child(ren), in front of their child(ren) so the child(ren) know that their parent is wrong in their tactics. When you see it, stop it!

It is sad that alienating parents sometimes have more children only to assault them with the same sicknesses they did with their child(ren) from the first alienated parent. Everyone else is crazy except the alienating parent!!! (SARCASM) In my case my children's mother remarried and had another child and most likely it won't be the last either. My children's mother incorporated her second husband prior to their marriage and continues today to assault her victims. From info passed on to me, it seems that it was almost immediate that my child was under attack and getting the full wrath of her mother's sickness when I was no longer available to be beat up on.. The step father played an important role in allowing his wife to continue her illness. I told her she was NUTS and her psychological (MMPI) tests confirmed it. More about those later.

I am mentally tired and wasted too much time this posting and will be back!

Protection of and for the children should be foremost,
ME

Dr. Phil - Parental Alienation

Here we go!

Today we set out on another adventure. We are taking an unfamiliar path. One that will present some challenges and seems to have many rewards.  

Another adventure...

So a few days ago we set out on another adventure. Sometimes I forget how awesome adventures can be. We met a couple and they seem like some neat folks and it seems that we have much in common. Sometimes that can be good and sometimes not so good. In time we will see.
To repeat one of their statements, "no monkey business"!. That was so refreshing as it seems to be more common than not to meet people that have some sort of an angle that they are working. Straight forward, "NO MONKEY BUSINESS"! It leaves little room for problems to arise. Growing up as a child and into adulthood it seems that I could have been better off by not so easily taking people at face value.

A wonderful day!

Today is such a wonderful day! We feel for those in the Texas and Oklahoma tornadoes. It's cause for pause. We pray for those that are affected by those storms. We pray for those of us that have it better as it could have just as easily been us or our loved ones.

I thank my Lord for answering my many prayers for watching over my children during the many life tragedies that they have had and continue to endure. I wished that I could have helped them through tough times and enjoyed sharing the good times. My absence wasn't my choice. I wasn't able to get the courts to see it to allow me access to my children so that I may develop  healthy relationships with them. I cherished the times that I had with my daughter though I knew that it was such a strain on her. I can only imagine what she had to endure as a result of my  insistence to be in her life. We developed some sort of a bond but it seems that it just didn't take hold. What is important to one parent is not always whats important to the other.

I had higher expectations for Brooke than I did for Matthew. I suppose it is because I had more interaction with Brooke than Matthew. We went through struggles together. She was stronger for it. As for her brother, the courts gave him the power to make it his choice in the decisions that he was making as a six (6) year old and he's been making his own decisions since. *(Sarcasm)  "Let's just let all six (6) year old's rule our country and make all the decisions"! Thanks a lot Forsyth County Courts. *See Tuesday, February 2, 2010 Post! 
It was not surprising that Matthew didn't finish high school. I suppose his mother should be proud that he did get his GED. I am not surprised in receiving information that Matthew is having troubles with intoxicants and with the law. I am a little surprised to hear of Brooke's troubles with those things. I hated to receive news that my daughter quit school in November shortly after her 16th birthday. I should not have been surprised. *(Sarcasm) After all, it was her decision, her choice!

It is difficult to learn of and watch the things that your children struggle with and want to help them and guide them and can't. *(Sarcasm) I thank their mother for her parenting skills and her teaching the children that they make their own decisions! "It's your choice". If a parent is lazy and has low expectations, then this is what they will get in return. I would have never given them the choice to shut their mother out of their lives!

I wonder if it would have been any different if I had been allowed to play an active role in their lives?


Today is a day to be thankful for if for no other reason than to be alive.

Love to the children,
Matt

I Surrender...

Today I will surrender once again. I surrender to my higher power. I am not in control of others, their way of thinking, or of how they choose to live their lives. I do however choose to have a say so in mine. I choose to not get sucked in.

I have the right to speak. I have the right to feel the way I do and want. I have the right to choose to have people in my life that don't want to harm me or my loved ones. I choose to keep harmful people at bay and to be cautious when they near.

An alienated parent thrives to develop a relationship with their children and all too often in attempting to do so it takes away from their own happiness and slows their continued progressions of living a quality life. Too often alienated parents try to make it up to their children for not having been a part in their lives. We cannot makeup lost time. We ask for forgiveness from our children for the lost time in which we had no control over. It is heartbreaking to come to a realization that I may never be worthy of being in your lives no matter what I do.

I choose to grieve. I choose to let go. I choose to not have hatred in my heart. I choose to forgive. I choose to be happy. I choose to accept the things that I cannot change.

I have had it all wrong. I don't know if I am or if I will ever be ready to be a part of their lives. I don't know if there will be a "time" or "right time" to be in their lives. I do know that this is not the time for me.

I am sorry,  forgive me and pray for me as I forgive and pray for you always. 

Happy Mothers Day...

Happy Mothers Day to a Father who played both roles. I am grateful for having my father who cared for me and raised me from 14 years old on. He took on the role of mother and father to a child of PAS. Very early on in my life I realized that I had a mind of my own and rebelled against an abusive (both physically and mentally) mother. I am so blessed to have had a the opportunity to meet this father of mine. Just goes to show that a person doesn't have to be blood related to be a father or mother, nor a good one at that. I was adopted  by a man that was never married and has no biological children. I learned many things from him that couldn't be taught by everyone. Though my father knew that my mother was was a worthless mother/parent, he never showed his contempt for her. It took my mother forming an alliance with my children's mother in keeping my children from me that was the straw that broke the camels back. I learned compassion from my father. I learned acceptance. I figured out who she was on my own and in my own time.

My father encouraged me to maintain contact with my mother though he knew that a healthy relationship with her would be non existent. My mother died and my children's mother concealed that information from me long enough to work her agenda. My children became more fearful of me as they believed that I traveled to California from North Carolina and killed my mother. My daughter refused to eat at my home. My daughter refused to accept medicine from me when she was sick. My daughter claimed that I would not allow her to prepare her own food at my home and that she always felt dizzy and tired after eating food prepared by me. My daughter had the belief that I caused my mothers death by poisoning and she believed that this would also happen to her. This year my daughter is 16 years old. My mother died in 2002.  As a child of PAS and from past experience I know all too well where those ideas came from.

Yes, it is mother's day and I want to thank my mother for donating her body so that I would exist. Thank you mom for being who you were so that I could learn the things that would make me who I am today. Thank you for the abuse you perpetrated upon me so that I would know what it was like and it would cause me to refuse to be a parent like you were. It made me a better human being. I learned so much from you.

Calling a spade a spade..post UPDATE from 12/23/2012

This was one of several attempts to get my kids insured without success. I suppose it was more important to be a victim. Being the victim filled an agenda. I wonder what deep emotional death a person has to suffer that would make them deny their children health insurance? Not once but multiple times! I suppose that a look at ones psychological makeup can best give insight to the alienating parents reasons for what they do. The outcome of this attempt and others was "no response what so ever". After sending insurance information to the children's mother, the certified mail was returned "REFUSED"! 

What an insane offer...NOT!

This was not the first offer that I received and it certainly was not the last, by far. Each time I refused and turned the offers down. How could I sell my children for any amount! How much will an alienating parent pay to deny their children a relationship with the other parent? Without a doubt an alienating parent says that it is an act of protection from the other parent. The alienating parent proclaims their love for their children and excuse their actions by using their children as shields in order to meet their own agenda. Of course the legal system sides with the parent making allegations, "on the side of caution" they say. What they are really saying is that it looks as if they have cash cows for many years to come and they better hop on because it keeps them working and the wheels greased. I just wonder what children really loose when they loose not only the emotional support but the financial support each parent has to give. It is a vicious cycle. So much money thrown away to the legal system. So who benefits?  I wish I knew then what I know now.

Another Adventure On The Horizon...

Well I suppose it is time for another adventure. It's amazing how children of PAS are so influenced by the alienating parent. It became a matter of loyalty for the child of PAS. It becomes a way of life. The alienating parent may face their own destruction when?...after the child of PAS have their own children? It wasn't until my egg donor (Linda) came in between my children and me that I decided not to be a victim of her craziness any longer. She became a sad woman to me, one that I never resumed a relationship with. I saw her more clearly after that. I searched for my own answers. Some of those answers I didn't like yet others finally made sense. Most of what I had been taught was Linda's twisted reality. I finally broke free from her and faced her and faced me.

All children are delivered into this world this way. I pray that all children of PAS will ask themselves from who and why they learned what they did. I am unable to teach you anything now that will change your minds about me or to rid you of what you know, what you were taught, or what you learned. I am so sorry that you were cheated of having me in your lives. You deserved more and you deserved both a father and a mother. You deserved a chance! 

Love you

Stolen innocence...

I carry this photo with me everywhere I go. It reminds me of  the innocence that once was. This was the last time that I saw the two of you together with such wonderful smiles. You were really happy. You were innocent. You didn't know what hate was until your mother and I separated. Your innocence was stolen soon after this picture was taken. I love this picture of the both of you together and will carry it for the rest of my days as it remains close to my heart.

A New Day...

Today is a new day with a whole set of new challenges. Bring it on! I say, "BRING IT ON!" I wake in the mornings when the rooster crows and I look forward to all challenges that face me in this day. I know that whatever the challenge, tomorrow is a new day. Worrying about what I can do nothing about only allows me to stop living today. The very worst that can happen to me has already happened. When a father has had his children stolen, there is nothing else that compares. I  survived the loss yet I continue to be in pain. I think that the pain felt is for the helpless children that have had their parents stolen from them.

I wonder at what point in a Child of PAS's life does he or she  realize what has happened to them. I question if a Child of PAS ever truly learns to live with having been emotionally raped? We are scarred for life but I do believe that at some point in life we decide to say no more. It is the goal of the alienating parent to destroy relationships (mostly with the other parent) that the child has or can have with anyone else other than themselves (the alienating parent). PAS children are crippled in the development of relationships with others.  We have to learn all over again.

I can not and will never be crippled with my love for you. I can not be controlled nor my love for you be diminished as the result of the actions of others. This is my choice and that's my final answer. Unfortunately the manipulations of the alienating parent becomes stronger with every lie and deception. Some PAS victims never get the opportunity to be free.

I am sorry for the both of you to have been subjected to the PAS and am sorry to hear of your troubles. I am sorry that you have been cut off so to speak and that you have few (if anyone) that you can turn to. I ache when I think of the times we missed together and how much more enriched our lives could have been if only we had been able to develop a healthy relationship.
Though your relationship, Matthew, was broken with me when you were six, I pray for you, love you, and hope only good things to come your way. Though your mind was stolen at six years old and I had no say so, I will love you for the rest of my life.

When I spoke to you Brooke, I knew on some level that you have managed to overcome the deceit handed to you and that you clearly understood the sickness of PAS. I understand that your mother was upset that you and I were in contact and I find it hard to believe that you have had any peace in your life as a result.

Today is a NEW DAY! I encourage you to hit head on the challenges that you face today. Whatever the challenges may be, you can overcome them. I (we) want you to know that I (we) are  in your corner of the ring in spite of any hurt that has been caused by the deceits of PAS. If you choose to have me (us) in your life we will be here. Certainly after our financial transactions, I felt very manipulated, so from this point on I will let you know if I think any future transactions are a manipulation. I said some things the last time we talked that may have led to you thinking that I would not be there for you. I want you to know that when you need me that I am here for you. I believe that you know that the two requirements that we talked about are for your benefit and therefore a must and non negotiable.If you choose a different way, we will make it happen.

Never forget that tomorrow is not promised and that we must live today as it were our last. Accept challenges with a vengeance and don't confuse the meaning of living life.

If you get an opportunity, google DADPR. 

Love you,
Dad