A Tragic Loss, A Great Loss

I am so sorry Brooke and Matthew that you have lost your father. I had always hoped that I would one day develop a relationship with you Matthew if I could only continue maintaining a relationship with you Brooke.
You didn't deserve the cards you were dealt. I hope your step dad is as good to you as Marissa has been to you Brooke. You both need to have positive influences in your lives. A father figure is as important as a mother figure.
 From what I have observed I unfortunately believe that your step dad is very likely to encounter the same dysfunctional behaviors and ramifications that I experienced being a part of that family. Another sad aspect is that you now have another child that has been brought into your already dysfunctional family. Your little sister is likely to go through the same dysfunction that the two of you kids had to go through. I would like to imagine that your step dad has learned to deal with your mom differently than I had to. 

Matthew, I have learned of your difficulties and struggles not only with your family members but also with the FC Sheriff's and WSPD's. It is a tragedy that I haven't been there for you. I wish that I could make it all better for you. No matter how much I want to, I am helpless. I imagine that life for you will be quite difficult until you find yourself and come to the conclusion that you have some unresolved issues and are able to face those issues.
I often wondered why your mother went so far to keep you away from me. Why she tried so hard to destroy and succeeded in destroying our relationship. On more than one occasion your mom yelled at me that I wasn't your father and never would be. I know that when you said that to me, you were only repeating what you heard. I did not hold it against you when you were six and I don't hold that against you today. I will never hold it against you, ever.
I have never claimed not to be your father. I have questioned why your mother worked so hard to keep you away.
Was and is she so angry at me that this was the only way she could hurt me, make me pay, for not loving her, for simply not liking her and not wanting her to control my life. Was she afraid that you were not my blood and I would put it together and would have access to you and have a paternity test done? I did ask for a paternity test for several years. I asked for it because I was still trying to find the answers as to how someone could deny a father of his basic rights and a child of their basic rights. What reason is there for ending a father's relationship with his children? Brooke was luckier than you Matthew, or was she?  I don't have an answer for you and never will. That is one of the hardest things to deal with, not having answers. I know how hard it is for me to handle the alienation, the loss of my children. I do not know what it has been like for you two.
 Because of the time I spent with your mother I can only imagine what it was like for the both of you. I am truly sorry that I could not find a way to be a part of your lives without being a part of your mothers too!
I believe that because of your mother's childhood and not having her father around contributed to her belief that you didn't need yours around either. I believe that this way of thinking just bred dysfunction in the family.
I asked myself many times if I were contributing to the alienation and dysfunction by trying to remain an influence in your lives. Was I hurting you by trying to stay connected? Did I make things worse for you?
  I don't have an answer and pray that I will someday. Because of my childhood and not having a father around, I am sure that there was some dysfunction on my side as well. I can tell you that that is why I refused to give up fighting for you. I said that if I was ever fortunate enough to have kids they would never be without their father. I do know that I didn't want you to ever feel displaced. Today I feel somewhat displaced and probably will for the remainder of my life. I worked very hard to make sure that you would never feel what those feelings were like.
I believed by asking the courts and various professionals for their continued interventions has given me a since of accomplishment. I have struggled with myself for a long time as to how far I could go to let you know how much you are loved and how much I want the best for you. Now it has come to a point that self preservation is what has to be important.

I have a wonderful wife who loves me and who loves you too Brooke in spite of all the dysfunction. Not only have I spent an enormous amount of my money and time to act in your best interests, Marissa has also spent so much time and money to keep us connected. Marissa has had little to no reward or satisfaction for her dedication to me and to you. I have had little to no reward or satisfaction for my dedication to you either.

The most recent court days have been very difficult for me as I have had to listen to some difficult testimony. The only thing that I get out of it is how it is best for your father not to pursue a relationship with you Brooke. I do not believe that is in your best interest but more likely in my best interest for that to happen. I would like you to know that I do not feel guilty for now protecting myself and my wife from the poison that has engulfed your lives.

Many times in life the right thing to do is usually the hardest thing to do. It would have been easier for me to walk away from you kids and in my opinion would have been the worst thing to do to you kids.

Brooke, you are old enough to know right from wrong and I hope that you will one day understand the consequences of your actions. I hope that you will have an easier road to travel than your brother though I can't possibly see how you could.

Your mother never had consequences for her behavior and therefore couldn't teach you that there were consequences for yours other than you facing her. I do hope that your mother reaps her just rewards for the way she has raised you both but not at the expense of your own deterioration.

I love you, DAD