WELL HERE WE ARE. ANOTHER DAY.
IT HAS TAKEN ME THIS LONG TO PUBLISH ANOTHER POST MOSTLY BECAUSE I AM HEARTBROKEN CAUSED FROM CHANGES IN MY LIFE. THE BIGGEST HEARTBREAK IS THAT YOU ARE NOT IN MY LIFE ANYMORE.
WHEN I LOST MATTHEW I WAS DEVASTATED. CONCENTRATING ON KEEPING YOU IN MY LIFE GAVE ME A GLIMMER OF HOPE THAT I COULD SOMEDAY HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO DEVELOP A RELATIONSHIP WITH MATTHEW TOO.
NOW THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER AROUND, I FEAR THAT I HAVE LOST YOU AND THOSE OPPORTUNITIES ARE GONE AND LOSING YOU JUST MAGNIFIES THE DEVASTATION TWO FOLD.
I HOPE YOU AND YOUR BROTHER HAD A GREAT THANKSGIVING AND YOU WILL HAVE A GREAT CHRISTMAS. AS YOUR BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW AND YOU WILL BE 14 YEARS OLD, WE WISH YOU THE BEST.
THE DAYS DON'T QUITE SEEM TO BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU. IT WAS SO DIFFICULT TO HEAR THE WAY YOUR MOTHER REPRESENTED YOU IN COURT THIS LAST TIME. I COULD NOT BELIEVE THE HORRIFIC STORIES THAT SHE WAS TELLING. I WOULD LIKE TO REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU EVER SAID THE THINGS THAT YOUR MOTHER REPORTED YOU AS SAYING. I GET THE GUT FEELING THOUGH THAT YOU HAVE BEEN TAUGHT TO SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO TO FURTHER YOUR MOMS CAUSE. I AM SO SORRY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE TO ENDURE. AS MY ATTORNEY RELAYED TO ME YOU ARE IN FACT SAYING THINGS THAT YOU AND I KNOW ARE SIMPLY NOT THE TRUTH. THAT HURTS. IT WILL ALWAYS HURT.
YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG AND SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHOICES BASED ON THAT KNOWLEDGE.
MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU BECAUSE YOUR CONVICTIONS ARE SO TAINTED.
I HAVE A DIFFICULT TIME COMPREHENDING THESE CIRCUMSTANCES THAT MY CHILDREN HAVE BEEN DEALT. MY HOPES FOR A BRIGHT FUTURE FOR THE BOTH YOU HAVE BEEN DESTROYED. I HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO LEAD OR DIRECT MATTHEW IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. I HAVE HAD NO INFLUENCE ON HIM SINCE HE WAS 6 YEARS OLD AND LOOK AT AT THE PATH HE HAS FOLLOWED. I HAVE HAD SOME INFLUENCE IN YOUR LIFE AND HOPE YOU HAD ENOUGH OF MY INFLUENCE TO KNOW WHAT HONOR IS AND HOPE YOU HAVE TAKEN SOME OF THOSE LESSONS WITH YOU.
WE LOVE YOU AND WE MISS YOU. NOT HAVING YOU AROUND HAS CAUSED LESS CONFLICT IN ME AND YOUR STEP MOMS LIVES AND WE ARE CLEARLY LESS ON EDGE BECAUSE OF THE THINGS YOU HAVE ALLEGED ALL OF THESE YEARS. WHILE MARISSA SUPPORTS MY ENDEAVOR TO KEEP YOU A PART OF OUR LIVES SHE CAN NEVER TRULY UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS TO LOSE A CHILD. I HAVE LOST TWO IN ONE LIFETIME.
I LOVE YOU BOTH
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