TOUGH MOMENTS...

The last thing that I should have done today was to read through previous posts on this blog. What painful memories it dredges up. I can't help but to wonder what I could have done differently to be a  better person and father. I keep coming to the same conclusion. When having to deal with someone like the children's mother, there is nothing that I could have done differently to keep my children in my life outside of doing things that were clearly illegal. I wasn't willing to give up my freedom for my children.

Neither of the children live a life that I would have chosen for them. I wanted better for them than I had myself and what was destined for them which is why I fought for their rights to have a father involved in their lives. I fought for my rights as their father. I suppose I ultimately didn't have any rights except to continue to foot the bill. Ironically during one of Danta's rages I responded that I was just a paycheck. Certainly she got that paycheck in more ways than one. Unfortunately her craziness limited her children's overall growth. Now I chuckle at the memory of her craziness, her unstable and abusive mentality. It is only painful when I think of what the children had to endure growing up.

I doubt that much positive will come from deleting me from their lives except that it pleased their mother and she prevailed in her plight to have complete control. Where are the children now.

I look around and see friends of ours that have children their ages and look at where they are in life. I hear their goals and see them working their plans. In church and graduating from high school and college. Some study abroad and take full advantage of their travels abroad. Visiting  multiple countries and experiencing much that it has to offer. Some have joined the armed forces and are doing the same. What a future they have!

They are not in and out of court with charges pending against them for illegal activities. They could not have the life they do if they were using illegal or prescription drugs and breaking the law. They are not children having children. More importantly, they have both parents actively involved in their lives.

On another note, we picked quite a bit of fresh tomatoes, squash, zucchini,and okra from the garden yesterday and today. We are enjoying fresh veggies from our garden and will enjoy some of it for many months. Can't buy this quality in the groceries anymore!

ONWARD