I grieve the loss of you kids and I grieve for you, your loss of me. There are no words for having lost a child let alone two children. I have yet to loose my father and can't imagine it.
Your grandpa Jack has been a wonderful father and parent to me despite the growing pains we have been through.
I wish I would have been allowed to be present in your lives for all of these years. I was kicked down every way I went. It wasn't because I didn't try my best. I would like to believe that I have gone far beyond expectations to do right by you kids. My heart's pain and my brain told me not to give you the opportunity to ever say or feel that I didn't want you. I had given up my dreams and desires to keep you a part of my life.
As one of your mom's attorney's once said in court, "Matthew will only look up his father someday just to kick his ass"! This came from an attorney that has also claimed fame as a minister, a man of God. What a conflict! That statement caused a conflict for me as well as it crosses my mind from time to time of how tragic for you to hear such a thing and how such behavior could be suggested or encouraged by a man of the cloth.
We went to the Philippines for a while and it hits home how good we really have it here in the US. We have too many choices and are spoiled in America. I wouldn't want it any other way though I know that I can survive on a lot less. I wished you kids could have seen what I have seen and experienced what I have experienced. WOW!
I wish the best for you and love you very much!
DAD
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