Thinking of the two of you and wishing...

Again I find myself restless and unable to sleep. The Bucket List is one of my all time favorite movies. We watched it with some very good friends this evening. I suppose that watching this movie has caused me to reflect on my life again. I know that I will not live long enough to get the opportunity to tell you how sorry I am that the two of you lost your father and that I love you and always have and always will. I am sorry I won't get the opportunity to tell you in person.
After more than ten years and tens of thousands of dollars trying to remain connected to you two, I found myself in a difficult position of either preserving my marriage to my wife or continuing to preserve an unwanted relationship to you. I am so sorry for the things that you had to endure Brooke. You had to hear the things you did whenever you were getting ready to come see me and the life you had to live after each visit. It was an impossible situation for you to be in.
Throughout this blog you will find some of the things within hard to accept. You will undoubtedly experience uncomfortableness. I believe that the two of you and I could have had a father, son, and daughter relationship. Your mother and I didn't have to like one another. We didn't have to remain married. We really could have avoided seeing one another most of the time. I didn't have a choice as to whether or not I was your father just as your mother didn't have the choice of being your mother.
Matthew, you should not have had the choice to disown me as your father at six years old. No child should be so powerful. No one can deny that you were given that choice. It wAs written and it was signed by Judge Chester Davis with the Forsyth County District Court. I have posted a copy of the court order on this blog. The court order can be viewed at the court house in Winston Salem. I am still in disbelief! This decision changed our lives forever. How could you have had so much power?
I have yet to decide whether or not to post videos of the horrible things you have said to me and your actions towards me and your mothers behavior encouraging you to act in the manner that you were. On one hand I want to show the world and to expose her for who she really is. On the other hand I want you to realize that it was very wrong. I am still in such disbelief that I get angry and depressed when I think about it. How can a mother do this to her children.
Brooke, I am sorry that you had to side with your mother and everyone that she had in her pocket. I am not sorry that I refused to ask you to or make you feel as if you had to choose. I read an insert of yours on one of your chat sites. I am sorry that you believe that your mother is the strongest woman you know. I am also sorry that you believe that she protected you and your brother from bad people. I am sorry you grew up having to believe that she was protecting you from me. You were old enough to know bullshit when you saw it and I am counting on it for your growth in the future.
Having seen your grades drastically deteriorate since I was forced to no longer insist on visitation with you I question how I could help you. It is simple, I can't. Just as there was nothing I could do to help Matthew be productive and stay in school, there is nothing I can do for you. I hope that you unlike your brother will finish high school.

I love the two of you always,
DAD